Written by Aw Jieshi.

Dating a girl who reads? So passé. You should date a girl who studies.

Date a girl who studies. Date a girl who spends her money on her education instead of everything else, only with the exception of stationeries and those needed on the recommended reading list. Date a girl who has a list of Ten Years Series and past year papers to complete stored on her phone, a girl with a Primary Six game plan from an Adam Khoo workshop.

Find a girl who studies. You’ll know that you’ve found one when she always looks lethargic, eye-bags included (Free-of-charge!). She’s the one furiously scribbling on her new stack of foolscap in her neighbourhood Starbucks, the one who throws an irritated look when the staff tells her that she can’t study during peak hour. You see that chick animatedly flipping through her notes? That’s the girl for you. They can never stop their revision, especially when they have an exam coming up.

She’s the girl googling her life away while waiting in that bus stop opposite her school. “Robert Browning poetry critical analysis + essay examples”, “What is inert pair effect?”, “Why is lithium hydroxide a weak acid?”, “Definition of globalisation”. Question after question, diligently taking screenshots of the answers to her assignments. Take a peek at her tumbler – you would see that it’s just plain water inside. Sit down. She might be weirded out, as most Singaporeans would. Ask her what school she goes to.

Ask her what subjects she’s taking.

Let her know what you really feel about the Singapore education system. See if she is one of the hipsters rail against this stressful system. Understand  where she’s coming from if she says that she hates how rigid it is. She’s probably one of the #twitterpopular. Ask her about her desired career.

It’s easy to date a girl who studies. Give her Signo 0.38 pens, on any occasions. Give her the gift of words, in notes and in textbooks. Give her websites, lecture videos, Andrew Er, Broader Perspectives. Let her know that you understand that she needs to study. You don’t have to spend much on dates as she would never have time for that.

Lie to her. About your grade, about how much work you have completed. There is much sensitivity and comfort brought when she thinks she is way ahead of you. It does not matter. You have not gotten your degree.

Study her. Because a girl who studies would love to be studied. Study her like you are going through practice questions. Spot the patterns. Observe her learning style. Maybe you will find her studying you too.

If you find a girl who studies, keep her close. When you find her up at 2AM clutching her notes to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours as she loses her mind but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the exams are tomorrow, because in reality, there is indeed one every day.

You will propose in a nice beach setting. Or on a high rise building. Just not very casually asking if she wants to get a BTO. Because based on past studies, girls like a romantic setting.

Date a girl who studies because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who matches up to your educational level. If you are against feminism and working women, then you’re better off alone. If you want someone who can talk about Singapore politics with you, one who is as kiasu as you, date a girl who studies.

Or better yet, date a girl who studies smart.

Update: This is meant to be a parody of the original article “Date A Girl Who Reads“.