Courtney beams at me as I walk through the doors of Jeni’s. The heaviness of the day seems to lift a little. I smile. Seeing her always warms my heart. She has come to be such a comforting and familiar presence in this land of burgers and fries and pizza and unfamiliarity. Are you homesick, she asks. I nod. She gives me a hug and we order ice-cream. She tries the darkest chocolate and the root beer and has a conversation with our server about how they get the root beer ice-cream bubbly. The pistachio and honey is really good too, but we decide on double-toasted coconut and bourbon pecan. I pay and ask the server if they have to memorize how all the flavors are made. She says yes. I say I’d use my brain for that.
Courtney points to the paper bag on the table and says it’s for me. Inside the bag are the following items: yellow playdough she made labeled ‘sunshine in a jar for a cloudy day’, tea, coffee, shiny lip gloss, lily-scented hand cream, a photo of her holding signs saying ‘hello dear friend I <3 u’ from a craft renegade fair her first year when she was in school where I now go to school, a sticker with a label of a brand that doesn’t exist anymore, a cockatoo that we name pan, a ton of pens, gum, a book with a necklace in it and a tiny ceramic mug. She puts the necklace on for me. It has a purple cord and a tiny vial with dried lavender it in.
I don’t remember everything we talk about but there was something about her planning her roommate’s birthday, getting a new laptop because her old one broke, reading harry potter… She tells me about having booked lion king tickets for her sister and how Audrey is going to spend her birthday in Chicago and she just lights up so bright talking about Audrey. We get on my phone at some point and Courtney sends stickers on facebook messenger to random people. Snapchatting Shelby, my good friend, follows that. There is a lot of laughter. Courtney’s happy is loud. Our happy is loud. She asks me what is going on. I feel unsettled and weird but I am going to let it pass, I reply.
“How has that worked out in the past?”
“It didn’t.”
She shoves me a coin of hers that has significance to her, “Give it back to me when you’ve figured it out.”
“Okay.”
I don’t remember what else we talk about.
She walks me to division on the blue line. It is cold out. We share a scarf on the way. I ask what would happen if there was a fire and we had to run away and we get strangled because we get entangled in a scarf. Let’s try, she says and starts running. I catch up. We do pretty well. Ain’t no fire gonna get us down. We find me a boyfriend – a mannequin in the window of one of the stores. Courtney takes a photo and instagrams it so it is official. We look at photos of Tiger Lily’s outfit and google our names outside the train station because my train does not come for another ten minutes.
“Two minutes Courtney! I need to go.”
She gives me a huge hug and tells me I am awesome and that she loves me.
I take the train home, feeling warm and fuzzy inside. What I am bothered by doesn’t go away, nor is anything solved, yet peace and comfort find a comfy place in my being and decide to stay for a bit. There are moments when you don’t need advice, or words, or anyone to talk at you, but just for someone to sit with you. Nights like these remind me how we weren’t made to do life on our own.
