Scientist, blogger, mother. Yes, Tzer Jing Seng, or otherwise known as Mrs Kam to many of her readers, is all of them. Not only is she a cancer geneticist, but also a parent of two, who runs a family and parenting blog to share her experiences and family’s daily lives. Like many 21st century women out there, Mrs Kam is a supermum who balances both work and family.

Many working mothers experience a phenomenon called the double shift, where they face both the demands of a full time job and “also have responsibility for unpaid, domestic labor.” (Taken from Arlie Hoschild’s ‘Second Shift’) This happens when women spend “significantly more time on household chores and caregiving duties, such as child-rearing or caring for the sick, than men”, something largely determined by conventional gender roles that have been inculcated into the society over time.

According to the Department of Statistics, there is an increasing number of dual income families who potentially face the problem of this second shift. This figure has increased from from 41% in 2000 to 47% in 2010. Read on to find out Mrs Kam’s experience with her family and her opinions towards work- life balance in Singapore.
Tell us more about yourself and family dynamics.

I am a scientist and I work with one of the government statutory boards. Both my husband and I are working full-time and we send our children to full-day childcare/student care center. We do not engage a helper so we do everything on our own. I am very lucky that my husband helps out with household chores (in fact, he does the main bulk of housework whilst I am usually the one who does the cooking) and also childcare-related duties.

I started my blog (www.TheKamFamily.com) 7 years ago after giving birth to my first child. It has grown from a diary-like online journal in which we document the growth of our children, to becoming a platform for us to share our parenting experiences. It has also grown to be more than a hobby. It has become a big part of my life!

How do you think the society defines an “ideal” mother?

There are a lot, in fact, too much, to be expected from a mother. From the time when you find out that you are pregnant to raising them, the expectations are endless. For example, it is quite appalling that society criticizes mothers who do not breastfeed their babies. They fail to acknowledge the fact that there are many challenges and limitations that mothers face. More often than not, people forget that every individual, every mother, has the right to choose what she wants for her child and she should be respected for her decision. We, as mothers, have to remind ourselves that we can’t possibly do everything and be perfect in every aspect. It’s just not possible. We do what’s best for our children.

What is your perception of an “ideal” mother?

I will always say this – as long as we try our best, we are the best mothers to our children! Love our children unconditionally, give them the support and respect that they need and just enjoy watching them grow. There is no point in comparing (and competing) with others with regards to what I have/ have not done or what my children have/ have not achieved. As long as I have tried my best, I am the best mother!

You must have faced a lot of challenges trying to cope as a full-time working mom. How do you think the state’s policies (those that are intended to help working moms) have helped you to cope with such a hectic lifestyle? Do you think the support that the state has given you is enough?

Frankly, none of the policies have really helped me. As our family are permanent residents of Singapore, we do not get to enjoy any benefits. I am not complaining. I think the government does try to help their citizens. From what I see, what is important is not about the implementation of a policy, it is about how the policy should be carried out so as to make sure that parents get to benefit from it and it is transparent. For example, I have noticed that whenever the government announces an increase in childcare subsidies, many childcare centers’ school fees would increase as well. I am puzzled with regards to the rationale for the increment in childcare subsidy – is it supposed to be beneficial for the childcare centers or the parents?

What other policies or measures would you like to see being implemented to aid working moms?

There are a lot more that government can do to help working mothers. The government can have a part -time working scheme spelt out clearly so that part-time working mothers can enjoy the same (but pro-rated) benefits rather than to having all benefits taken out when they choose to be a part time staff. The government can also provide subsidies for mothers to upgrade their skills or refresh their knowledge after being away from work for a few years. Furthermore, the government can also provide better childcare services with better teachers (and quality of teachers) at a more affordable cost. There should also be a strict regulation on the school fees.

Have your work experiences enabled you to be a better mother in any way?

I would not say that work experiences has enabled me to be a better mother. Rather, as a working mother, I really treasure the limited amount of time I have with my children. Hence, I am more patient and more tolerant with them. Also, we talk to our children on how we take great responsibility at work and how we contribute to the society as a responsible adult.

How family- friendly is your work environment?

Flexi work scheme is in place at my company and I am making use of that. I start work early at 7am so that I can leave work earlier to fetch my children(from the student care centers) and to spend the rest of the day with them. Though it’s only a couple of hours, it does create a big impact on our daily routines. Other than that, my company provides nursing room, childcare leaves, and parental leaves. Most managers are supportive of their staffs in achieving work-life balance.

Do you think that work impedes you from “parenting/mothering” duties or from doing it better?

I would be lying if I say no. I think it works two ways. Sometimes, I feel like climbing up the corporate ladder if not for the parenting duties. Yet, other times, I feel I am able to do more for my children and family if I am not working. At the end of the day, as I have said earlier, it’s a choice that we have to make for the better of our families. There is no room for regrets but there are rooms for changes. A family situation changes from time to time and we should be prepared for any changes so as to make our choices for each situation that may arise.

You are a great scientist (being a PhD holder and a Cancer Geneticist). You must have faced so many challenges along the way, from pursuing further education to actively furthering your career. Could you tell us about how you juggled parenthood along the way?

Well, I am a mature parent ☺ I have already completed my studies and was at my mid-career stage when I had my first child. It was only when I became a parent of two; I started to consciously look for a job that allows flexibility and supports work-life balance. I must say, I have been very lucky so far. I went through three employments from the time I was pregnant with my first born till now. Two out of the three employments provide me with sufficient flexibility to take good care of my family despite being a full- time working mum. For the one that demanded too much of my time of my out-of-office hours, I had to quit as the balance was off and my children started showing signs of distress. I have to keep reminding myself that no matter what, family comes first. With this clear priority in mind, I know exactly what to do whenever I face a dilemma.

Reading your blog, I understand that your husband takes up an active role in parenting as well. Do you think that there are any state policies or measures that prevent him from being more active as a parent?

No. To me, it still boils down to the individual’s choice. For example, there are two fathers who work in the same company, given the same job scopes and same parenting benefits. One of the fathers may choose to go home as soon as his work ends so that he can spend more time with his family. The other may choose to work overtime, go for a drink with his colleagues after his working hours and arrive home when his children have gone to bed. It really is about making your own choices.

Want to know more about Mrs Kam? On coping as a double-shift supermother? Maybe even learn new recipes to cook for your family? Hop over to her blog: www.TheKamFamily.com to find out more!