I am Filipino, born and raised in Singapore. I have been fully immersed in the education system, participated in more National Days than my own country’s independence days and I know the Singapore pledge better than the first sentence of the Filipino pledge. I am pretty sure the first words I ever spoke were, “Mommy la” or “Daddy sia” (Still highly debated which parent I recognized first). I am proud to be a Filipino and I am also proud to live in Singapore, so I thought I would share some of the funniest/weirdest things I have ever come across or been asked in Singapore.
1)“Now Ramadan eh, why are you eating?”
Looks of horror barely come any stronger than when Ramadan comes along. I have had a Muslim man come up to me in the middle of a Char Siew Rice, almost chastising my way of life and in embarrassment I have to tell him I am Catholic. This has happened so many times, my twitter feed in the month of July is officially a collection of Ramadan mishaps.
2)“You Filipino, why you cannot speak Tagalog?”
This question comes from friends, relatives and other Filipinos. It comes as a shock to many of them that I can speak better Mandarin than Tagalog (not saying much). Friends give me a look, relatives contemplate disowning me and other Filipinos just regard me as a Chinese speaking brown boy. There was once I ordered Char Siew Rice in Mandarin and I swear the hawker auntie almost had a heart attack. What a life.
3)“Eh, Filipinos are damn good at singing and dancing right?”
Yes. Not me though. The only reason why my parents havn’t disowned me yet is because I’m the eldest. But honestly, most of us can sing and we are not shy about it. Look at your dance teams or some singing group in school. There is at least 1 Filipino in there and if there isn’t, they are probably wishing they joined.
4)“Do you like Karaoke?”
I hate karaoke and whenever I tell my parents, they look primed to call a priest to exorcise me. We are all expected to be enthusiastic about busting out that Magic Sing (Filipinos ya’ know) and spit some straight fire. I tend to run away when that happens and they always say, “So Singaporean” and I remind them that there’s a reason K-Box thrives in Singapore. It is simply not in my culture to hate singing to lyrics flashed on the screen, I think it equates to a sin actually.
5)“Why you so short?”
There is very little doubt as to how short Filipinos are. Excluding the few lucky ones, a majority of us barely make it past 175cm and I am not exaggerating. In Singapore, we are munchkins. In the Philippines, we are average. I know because when I go to church in the Philippines, I can actually see the priest from the back row and I think, “Well, I grew.” Then I come back here and remember that we are all just short.
6)Sometimes I will crave for noodles instead of rice.
I once ordered a Ban Mian and when I brought it to the table my mom said, “You want to be Chinese ah?” She then glared at me and then put a spoonful of rice into my bowl. I looked up at her and she gave me that look like she was thinking, “Boy, if you do not eat that rice, I will whoop your ass.”
7)The only way I will find more Filipinos in school is if it is a Catholic School.
I only went to a Catholic School in Secondary School, and Filipinos were crawling everywhere. In Primary School and Junior College, I only knew of 5 total. When I find them in those situations, I get all excited. I am sure I am not the only one.
8)Speaking of Filipinos in school..
We seem to be bloody competitive. At least from my experience in Secondary School, the Filipinos were out for blood. We did not care about anyone else around us, it was between Filipino #1, Filipino #2 and the dozens of others around.
9)Not everyone in lucky plaza is my cousin
We all know the joke. That every Filipino is related one way or another and for some strange reason they all seem to congregate in Lucky Plaza because sure, we have a rallying cry that calls for all of us to gather there to reminisce our good times back in the hometown with our Buffalo “Jose” and discussing our Buzzfeed article idea on “Top 10 household cleaning products.”
I mean, sure.
10) The Maid Jokes
You all know what you have done.
“Eh Val, the table is dirty. Pinoy go clean.”
“Eh Val, how do I iron this?”
“Hello Serrrrrrrrrr, hello Maaaaaaaam, my name is LETICIAA and I. Am. A. Maid.”
C’mon guys, I mean. Come on.
11) “PINOY PRIDE”
This should not be a new phrase to anyone who has a Filipino friend or colleague. We are known for this intrinsic patriotism and we are all guilty of spouting this out every now and again. Like when Manny Pacquiao wins, all the sleeper Filipinos suddenly become hardcore Filipinos and they’ll let you know it.
12) My Name
Val Alvern Cueco Ligo. When people first look at that, they think, “woo, cool European Spanish fella bout to hit the scene.” Then I appear, a short, brown, Filipino boy and the look on their faces is like they were expecting an Xbox One for Christmas but got a lump of coal. I am consistently a huge bag of coal. I don’t know about the other Filipinos but this happens a lot especially when guys think I’m some attractive girl but then my face just shatters their pervy dreams.
13) JOLLIBEE
This last one is a public service announcement. If you havn’t had Jollibee yet, get your ass to the only one in Lucky Plaza. All Filipinos swear by it and for good reason. It is bloody delicious and the best part, THEY SERVE PACKETS OF RICE WITH OUR CHICKEN. NO OTHER REASON NEEDED TO BE EXCITED FOR ASIANS.
