“You know, I didn’t think you’d be so soft-spoken in real life.” 

I’ve always had the feeling if someone didn’t first know me online, they be getting to know a completely different person.

Being rather shy or timid, I lacked a voice with conviction and confidence. I felt that no one took me seriously because I was just so sooooo quiet. Even if I were to dispute things I felt were not in line with my ideals, they’d just be silenced by other louder voices.

I remember the first time I ever volunteered to answer a question in secondary school. It wasn’t even something important. Just an opinion I held strongly about the death penalty during a Civic and Moral Education class. I was nearly in tears after explaining my answer.

I remember how I absolutely hated, loathed and detested my CCA: Girl Guides. There were so many things that I could suggest to make it better, but everyone just went about their ridiculous, inconvenient, routine ways. They just saw me as a quiet follower because I had no voice to speak up.

Yet online, I was a order leader and a guildmaster. I led my friends through different tests and trials. Together, we defeated bosses and completed quests, fought wars and climbed ranks. When they were in trouble, I’d swoop in with help or advice, accompanying them as their faithful guildmaster. If I asked them to do something, they would listen. On Facebook and Skype we joked about our Pokemon training and breeding prowess while having seemingly endless battles on Pokemon Showdown. Although I was initially shy to speak into the microphone, I soon got used to it.

It seems like I compensated for who I was in real life by being extra outgoing, friendly, helpful and motivated in games and online. Rather than sitting back and watching everyone do the work, I took initiative and was confident of my abilities. (Even helping people doing their arduous, dreaded jump quests or getting to certain hard to reach locations in the game.) I really, really liked my online persona much more than offline one to the point I started immersing myself completely in games, forgetting the outside world.

However, upon meeting these online friends in real life, slowly the two worlds, began to merge. We used to joke, ‘Online, we talk about real life. In real life, we talk about being online.’ But it felt good to finally be around people who knew me for who I was in-game, rather than for being the quiet, goody-two shoes blob of jellyfish with no opinion. I’m certain that many of these online interactions have made me who I am today.

I sometimes wonder why it is that I cannot be who I want to be later on, once a first impression is made. Is it normal to just continue adhering to the first impression that you make to new people you’ve met?

Alas, real life friends, if that’s where you knew me first, don’t fret. There are still so many ways we can talk and get to know each other better, thanks to social media now. If we both are free and have some time, why don’t we try to get to know each other better again? You’ll realise that the online vs offline me isn’t so different after all.