Thankful For:

I visited a church a couple Sundays ago and leading up to Christmas, they gave out this card with the title “Gratitude Cultivates Joy” and dates on the left from December 6 up till Christmas day, lines to write down something you are grateful for each day on the right.

I thought it was kinda like an advent calendar, which is a special interactive calendar incorporating small flaps to reveal little pockets to store small items and treats. So this is my advent calendar of gratefulness up till now:

December 6: Pa attempting to interpret my art.

He and ma always try so hard to appreciate and understand the work that I make. I remember I did a print where I replaced the sky with waves, and had this image of the metra in Chicago coming down the middle. Ma whatsapped me back, “MRT under water?

December 7: Submitted 2 job applications that I put a lot of effort into applying for and I am proud of myself for that

After reading a friend’s resume filled with a whole list of art activities that she had been involved with since she was a kid, inadequacy seeped in and made me feel not enough. I let it pass, and sat and finished my resume. A tiny voice in my head kept reminding me, everyone has a different story. You are enough.

December 8: Joseph’s text recalling a very specific moment of me being spontaneous.

I was expressing my regret to him about not being spontaneous enough to approach these two girls I knew were Singaporean (from their accent) on the streets of Chicago just to say hi and have a chat.

December 9: A gift from an unexpected friend. It’s a warmie.

A friend came by my room and gave presents to me and my two roommates. I completely did not expect a gift from her. I took the present out of the bag and it was this penguin stuffed ball of cute. I can apparently put it in the microwave to heat it up and have it be warm and cuddly. That’s why it’s called a warmie.

December 10: Feeling able to be a kid around with Hope.

There are times where I got really serious and distant this semester, just being a lot more homesick. Especially with my roommates, it’s easy to take them for granted and just want to exist in my own space. They are always sweet though and try to make me laugh. Today, I felt like I could play again and laugh and be light.

December 11: The moment when the Grinch was pushing it’s face up to his dog friend and being intimidating and Sarah shouting that that’s how she feels like when I talk to her.

We have small groups as part of Christian Fellowship in my school and me and Tricia lead one. There was a lot of apprehension initially, but they have come to be such a warm bunch that I feel comfortable in. Sarah is one of them and we are jokingly mean to each other a lot.

December 12: Dinner with Farnaz and Hope.

Farnaz and Hope are my roommates. Farnaz hardly ever comes out with us because she is a hermit and stays up in her loft bed all the time and loves darkness. My friends speculate that she is a vampire. She is great though and lovely. Farnaz surprisingly decided that she will come to dinner with Hope and me. It was really nice.

December 13: Giving Courtney her Christmas present.

I posted a photo of the thing I was sewing for her on facebook, a very close-up shot (after a whole series of photos of things I was working on for my finals) and she liked my photo. It was funny. I kind of laughed to myself and was really excited to see her reaction the next day. When she took the handmade drawstring bag out of the paper bag, she looked really confused, “Isn’t this one of your finals?” Then it hit her and she started laughing.

December 14: Spontaneous, impulsive decisions (that I may regret later but for now they’re alright).

During print class, I really just wanted to get my ears pierced. After class, Clare came with me and I got a third lobe piercing on my left and a cartilage piercing on my right.

December 15: Feeling emotions and dealing with them.

I was frustrated after my drawing class, and I started to talk to my teacher about it but somehow broke down unexpectedly. I got annoyed at myself initially for feeling so much but my teacher said “I’m glad you are feeling frustrated, I would be worried if you are not.”

December 16: Working through the night.

I spent 10 hours non-stop in the studio making prints from 8pm on December 15 till 6am on December 16. I love being in the studio alone.

December 17: Good critiques, class and teachers.

It was my unofficial last day of school today. Critiques went so well, not in that my work was well received, some of it was, but in that important and significant conversations were had in the process of talking about people’s works. Art is so powerful, sometimes I forget that.

December 18: Getting out of bed and doing what I had to do.

This morning was difficult. It was one of those days that it just feels incredibly difficult to get up and do anything productive. I was proud of myself for getting out of bed and going to do an authorization for sanding down some glaze on my ceramics that I really dreaded. Sometimes, you have to be proud of yourself even for the little things.

One week till Christmas, what’s on your advent calendar of gratitude?