I still remember the first time I’ve really understood the difference between empathy and sympathy. Mr Dore, who was my English Literature tutor in Junior College, gave us a simple analogy.

“Take for example a person falls down the stairs and gets hurt. Sympathy is when you express pity for that person. On the other hand, empathy is when you try falling down the stairs yourself in order to feel what that person is feeling.”

The difference between sympathy and empathy is basically emotion. In an animated short video, Dr Brené Brown explains that empathy is feeling with people. It is the ability to bring yourself down to another person’s level and allow his thoughts and feelings to be validated. It is about perspective-taking. She also mentioned that rarely does an emphatic response begin with “at least”.

But what is wrong with “at least”? My friends have argued that it is a way to see things in a more positive light, like telling someone that the grass is always greener on the other side. “At least you still have friends”. “At least you’re still alive”. Depending on the situation, it can be a form of encouragement. However, at other times, the person on the receiving end of this sympathy may feel that his feelings and emotions are being disregarded. Sometimes all we want is to be listened to and be allowed to feel whatever we’re feeling at the moment when we’re going through a hard time.

The next question is, “How can we ever empathise if we have not experienced what the person is going through before?”As we’re people from all walks of life, it is impossible to experience everything that another person is going through. Empathy does not necessarily mean experiencing the same situation and therefore, understanding how the person feels. It is also not about giving the perfect solution in order to fix that person’s pain and make everything better. Empathy can just be sitting beside a person in his darkness silently while giving him a backrub. Sometimes that’s all you need to offer and to show him that he’s not alone.

Empathy can be difficult at times but it still remains as one of my most important values. I strive to listen before talking, to understand before drawing conclusions, to be sensitive and not insensitive, and to love another gently. Saying “just be positive” does not cut it all the time, but saying “thank you for telling me” can do wonders and drive deeper connections.

With that in mind, here’s Dr Brené Brown’s video: