Picture this:
So you recently met someone new; he is perfect in just about every way. Your personalities match; you both click well. He could be the soul mate you have been waiting your whole life for. Or is he? Fairy tales never happen in real life. Here’s the catch. This new guy is unattractive and poor. Given a spectrum, he falls on the extreme end of unattractive and penniless. Would you accept him?
You must be thinking that sounds too extreme to be possible. Now picture this instead:
You recently went for a job interview, and the job scope sounds extremely exciting; something you can see yourself enjoying doing. Here’s the catch this time. You’re offered the job, but the position offered is of a low rank, coupled with low pay, much lower than what all your peers are earning. Would you accept the job offer?
As a fresh graduate, I have been on the hunt for the perfect job to start my career. It was when I found myself in the above situation that I noticed the parallels between the search for a job and the search for a life partner. In our search for both, we tend to have a checklist from which we mark off various criterions.
Here are some ways the criterions on our checklists for both searches are similar:
Let’s be real and admit that money, or financial stability, is a key factor when it comes to a career choice, or in choosing a life partner. After all, financial stability is pretty much a key fundamental in everyone’s lives. We all crave for financial stability, to allow us to live comfortably, to allow us to pay our bills, and perhaps, to buy that coveted bag. Although feminists may say we females are perfectly capable of earning our own keep, we definitely also want someone who can provide for us (and perhaps pamper us occasionally).
How many of us are brave enough to confess that looks play a significant role in our choice of a partner? I’m sure many of us have looked at an attractive male and imagined how perfect your babies would be if you got together. (Imagine how cute those junior Ryan Goslings would look!) Obviously then, looks also play an important role (even if it is only to a certain extent) in our choice of a life partner. Similarly, we consider appearances in choosing a job. Given the choice between a high ranking position and a junior position, I believe most of us would pick the high ranking position. In our career path, we often seek positions which are coveted. Who would pick junior magazine editor over founder of a fashion line?
Do you think your life partner has to be your best friend? Compatibility is no doubt probably the number one criteria on everyone’s checklist for a spouse. I once heard of someone using a compatibility matrix to check if she was compatible with her boyfriend. (They scored 88% and got married.) In the same way, we know whether we are suitable for a particular job based on the job scope. We are more inclined to choose a job we know we are qualified for, because then we have a greater chance of excelling at it.
Fun is a three-lettered word, but encompasses so much more than that. It is hard to imagine having to spend your life with someone whose company you don’t enjoy. Of course then, in picking a spouse, you would pick someone whom you enjoy being with, and can imagine spending the rest of your life blissfully with That’s why they say make sure you marry your best friend. Likewise, Confucius says “Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.” All other things held equal, I believe most people would choose a job they enjoy doing, where they can see themselves building a long-lasting career.
In this increasingly materialistic world, whether it is a job, or the perfect partner, it is impossible to be able to check off all the criterions on our checklists. It is usually a situation where it is one or the other. So how do you choose? Would you choose a job you don’t enjoy but which pays well? Likewise, would you choose a spouse based on his wealth even though you don’t enjoy his company?
Society usually has a different definition of perfect from ours. Society dictates that money and glamour are the way to go. Take for instance the scenarios presented at the beginning of this article. Would you give up your soul mate because he is not good looking or rich enough? Would you give up your dream job because it pays half of what your peers are earning? What would people think of you and the decisions you make? It is a hard decision; to choose what seems to be perfect in our eyes, or what society deems to be perfect. I do not have the answer to that either. But what I do know is that in my search for both, I have an ultimate criterion – passion. Without passion in my job or my relationship, I would find it hard to give my all; and I believe that my all is what my spouse or employer deserves from me.
