Submitted by Julian Tang

It strikes me, as one of the strangest things, how social people are as creatures. We are not very comfortable with ourselves, are we? I mean, we find so much more joy in relating to our best friends and loving another physical being than ourselves. Many, many times more. It strikes me as a very strange thing indeed, that we spend more time communicating with the environment around us than with the very being we spend the most time with (ie ourselves).

Have we taken ourselves for granted? We think we know ourselves perfectly well by virtue of the fact that we are ourselves. Yet we are changing gradually, every single moment. The person you are today is so vastly different from the person you were several years ago. Isn’t it amazing that the same person at age 10 and 70 are two almost completely different beings, with different perspectives, thoughts and feelings?

My point is that should we become complacent of how well we know ourselves, we will grow distant from ourselves. When days and weeks go by without proper connection with ourselves, we will become strangers to ourselves. And that is such a terrible tragedy.

My most painful realization is how bored I am of myself. I blame this on the point above – I’ve lost touch with myself. I’ve become a victim of my own complacency. Like a failed marriage caused by a lack of communication, I’ve been failing my ‘marriage’ to myself. I look in the mirror and I barely recognize the person looking back at me. He doesn’t make an effort to get to know me, so why should I? He’s lost interest in me after a lifetime stuck with me, and I feel sorry for him. I almost wish that I can free him from me, so that he can find joy in someone new.

But how can I give up on him? He may not be the most interesting person, but he is all that I’ve got. He is obliged to be my friend. I can’t fail him. I can’t fail myself. I may have to learn many things again. I may have to go back to the point where I strayed off in the wrong direction and start over. But I have no other choice. Because that is the only way that can reconcile me with my best friend. Because that is the only way I will be able to feel genuine happiness again.