There is one room in my house that every single visitor has been to. And no, it is not my room. If you have been to my house, you would know which room I’m referring to. Yes, the bathroom.

I recently read an article titled “Please Don’t Sit on My Bed in Your Outside Clothes” and I echo the writer’s sentiments. Actually, no, I feel even more strongly towards the issue.

In the article, the writer clearly states

“…only clean things — from purses to human beings — are allowed to touch my bed”.

Her rationale?

“Just think about where your clothes have been: on a subway seat, a city bench, a bar stool.  Now think about who else has been on those seats, benches and stools. Would you invite them into your bed? I didn’t think so. Well, then what makes their sweat or cooties or bodily particles any different?”

I shared the article on Facebook, mentally prepping myself for the satirical comments my friends were going to make about my self-declared “OCD” (obsessive compulsive disorder). To my surprise, quite a few of them showed their support for the stance made by the writer. That made me realise, I might not be alone in my obsession with cleanliness. (Though I’ll admit that perhaps at times I may go overboard.)

I have been this way for a few years now. Up till now, I do not know the cause of my obsession over cleanliness.

In the past, I used to plop onto bed the moment I got home from school, regardless of how dirty and sweaty I was. Now, just the thought of lying on my house floor in my gym clothes is horrifying.

I’m proud (and maybe slightly embarrassed) that the chairs in my house are categorized into 2 distinct categories – Clean, and unclean. As their names suggest, clean chairs (including the sofa) are chairs which can only be sat on after you have showered. Unclean chairs are for those who have just come home from work, school, or anywhere outside the boundary of my house gate, and have yet to shower.

These are only some of the ways my obsession comes into play on a daily basis. There are several other things which I won’t mention in detail, such as how I have to clean my bags after every use before keeping them in my room; how I used to be unable to sit on trains or buses; how I absolutely cannot sit on the floor in public or let any of my belongings even come close to it.

The list could go on, but this article isn’t about my weird habits. It’s about helping you understand why I (or anyone else you know who is coping with a similar situation) behave like this, and how I am learning to cope with it.  

Firstly, you have to understand that it is not by choice that we are constantly consumed by such thoughts. Do you know how tiring it is to have to continuously ensure that everything around us is clean? Whenever I look at the seats on the train or bus, the first few thoughts that come to mind are

“How much germs are there on that seat? Who has been in it before me? Do I want to bring his/her bacteria home with me?”

Nowadays, I push those thoughts to the back of my head and sit the moment I see an available seat (excluding the reserved seats, of course). I still do check if the seats are visibly dirty before I plop my golden butt down, but I have come to realise that it is impossible to find a seat which is absolutely spotless.

I used to be extremely fastidious about the cleanliness level in my house. Friends who came over sometimes commented that they wished they could levitate, so they wouldn’t have to worry about me nit-picking about the invisible dirt on them. (Actually, I half-wished they could levitate too.)

But my reasoning is this: Once you have stepped out of the house, you’re exposed to more germs and bacteria than you can imagine, which cannot be seen by the naked eye. These germs and bacteria are transferred through contact; and that means any one of you could be a carrier of them.

These days, I am less pernickety about such things. I no longer use Febreze on my chairs every other day, and I have stopped insisting that my belongings cannot be placed on the ground in public. It is not that I am no longer obsessed with cleanliness, it is just that I am now less obsessed.

While I used to repeat to myself,

“This is dirty, do not touch lest you get contaminated.”

Now I repeat to myself,

“Did anyone die touching this? No, so go ahead and press that elevator button, Rebecca.”

Changing the framing of my mind-set helped, but I cannot discount the encouragement I received from friends and family, who urged me to step out of my ‘comfort zone’ and accept that it is impossible to live in a completely germ- and bacteria-free environment.

Despite the fact that I am slowly trying to overcome this fixation on cleanliness, it is still an ongoing process. In the meantime, what I (or anyone else in this situation) ask of you is this:

Do not constantly lecture us on how our fixation is not healthy. We know that. Rather, convey your understanding and help us to overcome it progressively. I do not ask that you throw me into a pile of mud in the next instance, but allow me to gradually overcome my fear of dirt by slowly exposing me to it.

With that said, those who come to my house often enough should know which chairs belong to which category – respect those categories. And those who haven’t been to my place? I probably haven’t invited you because you’re a germ-filled human in my eyes 😉